Life (hopefully) is long. While we’re here, we do so many things. It occurred to me that it would be fun to count them, or at least estimate. Here are how many times I think I’ve:
–Changed my sheets: 2863
–Made meatballs: 136
–Been bitten by mosquitos: 613
–Blinked: 689,472,048
–Eaten sushi: 1
–Changed a tire: 6
–Felt like tearing my hair out while working: 1294
–Laughed even though I was all alone: 33,474
How many times have you done things?
P.S. Excuse my absence. These winter months are very busy for online courses. Even so, I keep having ideas, so I hope you’ll try one more. –Ann
Ann Linquist Writes 
How many times I’ve:
Killed something 2,356
Sex with others 12
Sex alone 12,698
Eaten a bug 374
Mailed a watermelon with a food stamp 1
Been in jail 3
Given birth 0
Chicken dance 4
12,698 / 365 is almost 35 years. Just sayin’ 🙂
Only 35? I must have missed a few…
That is assuming only once a day.
Doing the repulsive chicken dance may account for why you had sex alone those 4 evenings. Being in jail may account for a few more.
BwaaHaaHaaHaa, That’s some funny stuff right there.
Attended school 3,007 days
Coached 730 games
Been married 17,155 days
Read 40,000 pages
Taken 25,522 showers
Taken 20 baths
Had 5 pedicures
721 haircuts
Planted 6000 seeds
Eaten 623 avocados
Posted something on Facebook 6 times
Attended 12 NFL football games
Raked 3,234,001 leafs
Dug 236 ditches
Shoveled 327 inches of snow
Installed 1 irrigation system
Here are how many times I think I’ve:
-Bit my tongue: 15,981
-Wished I’d bit my tongue: 40,825
-Dreamed of finding change on the ground: 260
-Found change on the ground: 133
-Dreamed the school bus is coming down the street to my stop and I can’t get my stack of books picked up before the bus pulls away without me: 75
-Seriously wished I was retired: 12
-Been glad I’m not retired: 403
-Wished I was dead: 333
-Rejoiced at being alive: 99,900
-Been content with how I look: 25,005
-Been dissatisfied with how I look: 48,690
-Sat down and read from a book: 20,805
-Put clothes in the washing machine: 14,555
-Swore under my breath: 73,001
-Swore out loud: 15,444
How many times I’ve:
Eaten frog legs: 1 ( didn’t taste like chicken)
Though of dying while flying in an airplane: 1 (when a lighting hit or exploded next to the aircraft and then it went nose down for hundreds of feet)
Peed in my pants in public as an adult: 1 (when a lighting hit or exploded next the aircraft.)
Regret things I’ve done, actions I did take, decisions I made: 56.
Regret things I haven’t done, actions I didn’t take, decisions I never made; 56.
(So, it is a wash-off therefore, I feel happy with my life, with myself and with my family. Life is beautiful.)
Been bitten by dogs: 4 (3 of which required 21 shots around my navel)
Drank martinis (Gin martinis, that is) in my life:1.042 (with fats, juicy, Roquefort filled olives.)
Been sick in the stomach after visiting Mexico 16. (every time I visited Mex)
Ran in front of the bulls at the Pamplona festival: 1 (then I found out that running behind the bulls was safer than running in front of them)
Seen Fiddler on the Roof: 6 (best and most completed movie ever produced)
Eaten black beans with white rice and sweet fried plantains: 6,578 (this is like a religion for us Cubans)
Taken my kids to Pee-Wee football, baseball, hockey and basketball games: 672 (I wish I could do it again)
Ran in front of the bulls…oh my!! That must have been scary as hell!!!
Lost a Lung : 1
– Can’t do that again.
Stung by Yellow Jackets: 250+
– By the way, that hurts, a lot.
Caught picking my nose : 3
– You would think that I would learn, Somebody is always watching you.
Broke a knuckle fighting: 1
– Fun while it lasted.
Punched a Payphone : 1
– Too much beer — Wrong woman.
Stabbed with a pencil : 2
– Wrong woman.
Bought a brand new car : 1
– What a feeling, until you drive it off the lot.
Watched Oprah : 0
– Why ‘O Why, would you watch that?
Patented something : 1
– Life goal. Check!
Started a business : 2
– Life goal. Check!
Licked a frozen pole : 0
– First of all, it doesn’t get that cold here. And why would you do it anyway. I saw “A Christmas Story”
Married : 1
– Right woman.
Be careful, If you happen to get bitten by a yellow jacket while you are picking your nose, you can lose a lung.
Believe me, I am always on the lookout for any buzzing while my finger is in my nose.
Edited and rewrote my 500-word final piece for Ann’s class: an infinite number of times.
Ditto to that!!
DITTO! I finally gave up and just submitted it. My editing and revising was getting to the point of undoing.
Slept with a baby pig, 120 nights.
Lost one sock in the laundry, 260 cycles
Failed to endear myself to a room full of pubescent Jr. High History Students, 150 days
Ignored the “check engine” light on my dashboard, 730 days
Attended an All Accordion Orchestra Concert, 1
Taken Beginning Writer’s workshop. 2
Sat at the bedside of a dying person until they passed away, 2
Executed a “Spit Take” at the most inappropriate time, 3
Started writing a book, 1,000
Sunk a 35 foot Classic CrisCraft Cabin Cruiser, 1
Been arrested, 0
Stood in amazement at the talent of my fellow writers on this site, Countless
As a lover of classic boats, I had a little fibrillation when I read that.
I love your list. Have you finished writing a book? If not, take one that you started and write to the last page. YOU CAN DO IT, and you can do it well. I have and it’s a good feeling.
HOW MANY
Schools did I attend K to 12 ? 10 (All is So Cal, we moved every time the rent was due)
Hours did I fly in a USAF RC 121 Radar Plane ? 2,104
Packages did I deliver working as a UPS Driver? 240,000 (3yrs)
Years did I live in Germany? 8 (3 USAF, 5 UPS)
Times have I shaved ? 21,460 (98% of the 60 years since I turned 14)
Auditioned for a TV Commercial ? 62
Been Casted for a TV Commerical ? 0
Retired from a full time career ? 3 (UPS, Tahoe Air, TV Commercial Actor)
Lead tours of the Rose Bowl in Pasadena ? 6 and counting.
Lead tours of the Huntington Library in Pasadena 54 and counting.
States have I visited ? 48 (Not ND or WY ~ yet)
Continents have I tread upon ? 6 (Not Antartica ~ ever)
You’ve been around…so cool!
Oh, yes Cheryl, I have been around…around the Sun 73 times and counting…
Ah, Gale, that 7th continent is the best of all!
How many words written? 62,034,569,125
How many words witten together to conprise a story? 6,450
Cleaned Glasses? 6,450
Smudged Glasses after cleaning? 6,449 (I’m learning)
Shot at by girlfriends father? 2 (Poor shot and I run fast)
Jumped from a moving car? 12
Jumped onto a moving train? 12 (not related to the moving car)
Wished I was born rich instead of so good looking? 200,800
Wished upon a star? 138
Wish come true? 0 (Gotta quit wasting those wishes)
Times I’ve parked a car? 32,000 (Get your mind out of the gutter)
Times I forgot where I parked the car? 8
Times I forgot I rode my motorcycle instead of driving the car? 20
Fun list, Walk. You were shot at twice…there’s a good story right there.
Busy life. 12 times from a moving car? Must have been a Dodge.
64 Impala, my brother would never stop in front of my friends house, school or wherever I was going, so I’d step out as he passed, otherwise he drop me off three blocks away.
Isn’t that a big brother’s job? Being too cool to accommodate?
Dodge Dart
Married: 3
Divorced: 2 3/4
Cups of Coffee: 10950
Added Vodka to Coffee: 1
Beer before Noon: 20
Designed the Perfect Murder: 1
Used it: 0
Parade Magazine
August 26, 1972
“Answers to Interesting Questions Asked by Interested Readers”
(Transcribed by Gary Treible)
This week’s question: “How many?”
From Bette Egan, Roladyse, RI –
Roads that a man must walk down before anyone might call him a man: Best answer, “It’s not the number of roads, but rather the walking technique that counts.” This according to Parade Magazine’s manly walking expert, Frankie Valli.
Cal Zune, Plaiwyth, ME wonders….
Seas a white dove would have to sail to earn enough points for a free night at The Sands: Typically seven, but with Capital None Reward Points™ a dip in a suburban retention pond will do (Some restrictions may apply).
And Cam Totta, Narthex, IA would like to know..
Times the Cannon Ball will fly before she’s known quite well by all: According to Daddy Claxton, 1046 trips through the hills and by the shore.
Thanks to Barry M. Animurr, Colone, MI for this thoughtful question,
Years that a mountain can exist before it’s washed into the sea: On average, 24,205,154,201 (Source: United States Department of the Interior, Committee on Catastrophic Mountain Erosion)
In Mienfier, PA, Lindsey Ohle wonders about the…
Time that the sea can exist before it’s soaked up by the eroding mountains: Best estimate, 94,345,205,154,201.7 years. (Source: United States National Oceanic and Atmospheric Administration, Committee on Catastrophic Ocean Depletion)
Isadore Klosse, Portal, WA is thinking about ‘vision’ when he asks..
Times a man can turn his head and pretend that he just doesn’t see: Given the impending and catastrophic loss of both mountains and oceans, isn’t this question rather vapid? -Ed.
Key’von Dermatt, Cumin, NJ asks a ‘toughie’
Times a man might look up before he can see the sky: According to Neil deGrasse Tyson, Parade Magazine science person, for people living in the southern hemisphere the answer is technically “infinite.”
Finally, Wendy Dae, Chinook, ND, a dog owner, asks…
Ears one man must have before he can hear the dog scratching to be let in: More than two say our editorial staff.
Brilliant! How many times can I read this and still be entertained? At least 25.
I can’t decide which I enjoyed most; the windy day in North Dakota or Rolling the dice in Rhode Island. Well done and very entertaining,GT.
Every time I look at your thumb nail picture, I think you’re showing us the number of times you’ve had a lousy idea. You’re good, you’re good, you’re very very good.
Ann, this challenge was brilliant. I was envisioning a bunch of silly numbers, but didn’t take into account the brilliance of this crew. One liners have never been easy for me…I need half a page just to say good morning.
Houses lived in, 22
Chap1’s written, 15
Brothers, 6
Sisters, 0
Jobs, 19
Heartbreaks, 200
True loves, 1