Writer’s Warm-Up Head Slap



Foggy Rotini with Singing Tips

Purple Cheese Sneaker Crisps

Soup or Salad

Portly Orange Chunks with Sour Glue Vinaigrette

Shower Drain Fritters with Simplistic Sparklers


Awkward Anchovy Steak

Dryer Pizza

Broasted Brazilian Perch Legs

Six Bottom Feeder Deli Pedals

Birch Slices with Sobriety Sauce


Caramelized Cement Cones

Crunchy Catalog Chews

Assorted Nutty and Cutting Remarks

 What are you serving?

12 responses to “Writer’s Warm-Up Head Slap

  1. I’m handing out branded “Ann Linquist Writes” motion sickness doggie bags.
    Some of those menu items sound perfectly dreadful.
    Shower drain anything… gah!

  2. Dark roasted manage trois with cheeky sticky buns

  3. I’ll be serving some alfalfa pine wood over asphalt pilaf and gummy bears 🙂

  4. The Endangered Cafe

    “Food like you may never see again”

    – Appetizers –

    Bald Eagle Fingers – An All-American favorite. 10 (count ’em, the eagle can’t) lightly breaded eagle fingers with a tangy hot sauce 5.00

    Buffalo Whooping Crane Wings – Mild, medium, or hot. Our special hot sauce will make a “whooper” out of you! 5 large wings per serving. 6.00

    Snail Darter Poppers – Snail Darters with a tangy cheddar and jalapeno stuffing. You’ll be surprised how quick these little guys go. 5.00

    Twice Baked Sea Outer – Sea Otter medallions served with drawn butter. A dish you “otter” try! 6.00

    – Soups –

    Galapagos Tortoise – 200 years in the making! A creamy turtle soup served in a shell bowl with straws. Serves 18. 25.00

    Passenger Pigeon Noodle – Flail harvested passenger pigeon with traditional kosher noodles. It’ll fix what ails you. 2.00/Cup, $4.00/Bowl

    Manhattan Whale Chowder – “There be whales here!” Premium humpback whale with carrots, celery, tomato, and krill in the traditional Manhattan broth. 6.00/Cup. 9.00/Bowl

    Ocelot Chili – A south-west, Tex-Mex, delight. Served in a box with crackers. A purrrfect delight for those seeking a fancy feast. 2.00/Cup, 4.00/Bowl

    – Entrees –

    Deluxe Panda Burger – A half pound of premium Chinese panda meat on a whole wheat bun. Served with the traditional Cantoneese black-n-white sauce and grilled over a bamboo fire. 25.00

    Gill Net Dolphin – A more intelligent choice than plain tuna. A thick, juicy, bottle nose dolphin steak blacken to perfection. 33.00

    California Condor Omelet – Simply egg-tastic. A *huge* omelet cooked to order at our omelet bar and served in the specially softened shell. 17.00

    Rotisserie Spotted Owl – “Who” doesn’t like owl? Melt-in-your-mouth tender owl wild-raised in the former old-growth forests of the Pacific Northwest. 35.00

    Black Rhinoceros Balls – A delight rarely reproduced. Seasoned rhinoceros jewels pan fried to perfection and served over angel hair pasta in a creamy white sauce. 32.00

    Baby Harp Seal – Tender young seal, ash harvested, served on a generous bed of linguini in our special “Canadian Club” sauce. 30.00

    Florida Manatee Roast – Slow and curious wins this race. Wild Manatee, harvested locally by outboard motorboat, slow roasted, seasoned with Old Bay, and garnished with sea-weed. 25.00

    African Elephant Parmesan – Only a Dumbo would turn this down. A 32 oz. breaded elephant patty served with the traditional spaghetti, parmesan nodules, and a reddish sauce on a complementary ivory plate. 35.00

    Chimpanzee with Raw Humming Bird Talons – You’ll recall the childhood rhyme as you enjoy 16oz. of aggressively tenderized monkey seasoned to perfection and surrounded by humming bird talons coated with a tangy nest floor jelly. MARKET PRICE

    – Sides –

    Finch Fries. Cold McCaw, Lemur Livers, House Wren, Sloth Slaw, Bengal Tiger Paws (in season), Toucan Loops, and Sweet Bee Larvae.

  5. Appetizers
    Sweet and salty packing plastic
    Runny painter’s tape melt
    Mindless toothless root system baguette
    Bent key squint parted townie grill
    Summer stripe sourdough rent grate with cheddar
    Bubbling squish folded with puff portal capitals
    Smokey snap snap toe piece chime steady nightfall
    Frozen breeze torqued familiar cone rapids
    Calf high porter key and turtle tears
    Not to be trusted salchow pinenut quarterhorse pennies

  6. Menu
    The Eatery of Cruel and Unusual Punishments
    (Natural, Mental, and Physical Punishment)

    App Attire Sirs – This carfly prepared assortment of favourites opens up like a Care Package sent by someone’s Mom in the mail. Full apron included.
    7 pounds

    Dogwood Bark Soup – Not worse than its bite. This totally organic mix of greens and grays is served with a choice of crackers, bananas, or nuts.
    77 pounds.

    A Hole in One – Naughty Slab of Trunk for Two. A thick slice of the finest Cedar Trunk imported from the mountains of British Columbia, served with delicious mushy blooms fried in safflower oil spooned delicately into the heart of the wood. For Two.
    777 lbs.

    Sweat Tooth Tray – Just what you imagined. A tray of sweat tooth delights.
    7 pence.

    Management reserves the right to replace diners with reservations. Bone Apeteet.

  7. Greens and grays. That has a ring to it. Bone Apeteet!

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